The Ball (and Mic) Drop: It was a Sober Celebratory New Year's Eve

By Jen Gilhoi

It was a substance-free New Year’s Eve for a collective of individuals who, for a variety of reasons, chose to be sober on one of the heaviest drinking nights of the year.

Resolution 2020 at The Parkway Theater in Minneapolis was a NYE celebration to actually remember.  Beverage sponsors Hairless Dog Brewing, Jinx Tea, Hobby Farmer Canning Company and Red Bull provided the non-alcoholic drinks and The Parkway mixologists took it from there. With everything from Hairless Dog’s new 0.0% coffee stout and Hobby Farmer Canning Company’s Switchel to the Ultra Violet and Woke Punch mocktails, guests did indeed have fancy glasses in hand. Sober doesn’t have to be somber after all!

What did people miss by not drinking? Repetitive conversations, lost hours, lost belongings and a staggering hangover the morning after. Oh yeah, and the big one … regrets. The event was an invitation to explore what a sober social experience can look and feel like. Prior to an event of this type, most seeking a community outside the drinking culture with whom to enjoy New Year’s Eve would simply have stayed home. Such alternatives just haven’t existed historically.

Dissonance and our partner, the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, created the event with The Parkway to show that sober experiences don’t have to be solo. They can be shared. They can be celebratory. And they can be meaningful and healing, too. Through these types of shared experiences, we aim to paint an attractive picture for people questioning what’s possible and provide fun options for people already living an alcohol-free lifestyle.

The evening featured comedy as well as music from two singer-songwriters who openly share and celebrate their sobriety and commitment to wellbeing.

First up was Moe Yaqub, an accountant by day and comedy wunderkind by night. He kicked off the evening with comedic stories of his childhood in Pakistan and transition into American culture. From what to feed an ostrich to how presidents must take great care in pronouncing the names of countries in the Middle East, Moe delivered hilarious bits, loosening up the crowd through laughter—the perfect elixir to release any early-evening anxiety. 

Then the lovely Lydia Liza took the stage. After a nod to her December 2016 holiday remake of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”—a modern take on mutual consent—she moved right into songs from her acclaimed new album Of Unsound Mind, including my personal fave “Gardenia.” The acoustic vibe, Lydia’s wit, and her vulnerability as a performer—openly sharing quips about depression and anxiety—brought a uniquely warm and entertaining intimacy to the room. And her whistling – well, that was rippin’. 

On that note, we took a little intermission for more mocktails and mingling. In the Parkway lobby, representatives from Dissonance and Hazelden Betty Ford had the opportunity to ask attendees what drew them to the event and what they were enjoying. Many hadn’t been out for New Year’s Eve in years. Most were curious about similar opportunities and how to get more involved in this kind of community. All expressed their appreciation for creating such an event. People open to answering our prompt about “how they stay well” recorded a quick video clip, which we’ll be editing and sharing in the future (#HowIStayWell). Attendees also got the first chance to snag one of our spiffy new Dissonance hats and T-shirts.  

After the intermission, HALEY waited stage-side as her incredible band moved into place. She was charmingly surprised during her introduction to learn that her 2014 release Last War had recently been named by the Star Tribune as one of top 10 albums of the decade in Minnesota. HALEY and band certainly lived up to the accolades, delivering high-energy hits like “Kill the Fun” off Last War, contemplative gems like “Hometown” off Impossible Dream, and deep cuts like “Before the Dark” off Golder . HALEY also performed a couple of signature instrumentals featuring only her on piano and guitar maestro Jeremy Ylvisaker, and she brought up Lydia to provide harmonies on her classic “Eat for Free,” which she also recently performed with six-time Grammy Award-nominee Lana Del Rey. It was a treat to hear songs from throughout her 16-year catalog in a 75-minute set that led right up to the ball drop at midnight.

As a large team delivered champagne flutes of sparkling apple cider bubbly to every attendee seated at The Parkway, Haley charmed us with ideas of normalizing this type of social experience. Alternatives are good and not just for sober people, but for vegans too—we all just want to see more on the menu, she said.

The countdown on the big screen behind the band began with 60 seconds to go, allowing for three boisterous rounds of humming our way through Auld Lang Syne. With sparkling-cider toasters in hand, we raised our glasses to a memorable night and more health and happiness in 2020. 

Cheers to all who came out to make this first-of-its-kind sober NYE a night to truly remember!

Jen Gilhoi is a Dissonance board member.

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

Introducing Myself to ... Myself

By Karen Folman

Just a few months shy of graduating from college, I was sitting at Bread & Chocolate in St. Paul, reading my psychology homework. I noticed a stack of postcards there, promoting an open mic for T. Mychael Rambo, whose name was familiar from my younger years in the St. Paul Central Touring Theater. When I looked up, there was Jan Mandell, my high school acting teacher! I couldn’t believe my eyes! Though I didn’t know it at the time, I was exactly where I needed to be that day.

Jan quickly asked what I had been up to. Rather exasperated and a bit downtrodden, I said I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life (you know, when I grew up). Jan said, “Well, let me tell you what I am doing … .” She proceeded to explain that she had retired and was now the director of a nonprofit organization called the Irreducible Grace Foundation. IGF empowers youth of color with tools for healing, health and wellness and provides safe spaces and workshops to foster voice, trust and community. Jan invited me to one of IGF’s “Self-Care Sunday” workshops, which are open to all, and further explained that IGF teaches through activities which include music, writing, dance and theater exercises. As a longtime artist and performer, I was like, “What!? This is amazing!”

I showed up the very next Sunday, and what I witnessed was even more exciting and inspiring than what Jan had described. I walked into the room and was greeted with smiles, warmth and people who genuinely wanted to get to know me and were glad I was there. Little did I know that this community of people at Self-Care Sundays would teach me so much about belonging, healing and trust. I feel so grateful to be able to return there again and again, continuing to learn, practice and take away helpful tools and resources for living. We share our stories, writing and music; practice breathing exercises; move and dance; learn to understand and trust one another; and heal together from our various traumas, including the historical racial trauma. Finally, I felt like I belonged to a community. Every time I go back, it is a lot like coming home to family. Finding IGF was a turning point in my life, helping me change in countless positive ways. It was exactly where I needed to be.

Let’s rewind a bit. Before I decided to go back to school for my bachelor’s degree, I had started taking myself and my music more seriously, to the point where I felt I could actually introduce myself as a singer-songwriter (and believe it). I began by attending open mic nights and then joining in on showcases and hootenannies. At some point, others started asking me to open shows for them, and eventually I began getting my own gigs, building my own showcases and hosting my own open mic nights. I was feeling really good about this creative aspect of my life. Gigs were starting to come to me! I felt grateful and lucky to love what I was doing. Then, unexpectedly, I hurt my left wrist and could no longer play guitar. Where I once could play up to three-hour gigs myself, I now could only play 1-3 songs before my wrist was in serious pain. Faced with giving up my identity as a singer-songwriter, I decided to go back to college. By pouring all of my time and energy into my education, I hoped to move beyond entry-level jobs and find a career that would provide me with meaning and purpose.

I grew to like my identity as a student. So when graduation came, it was another struggle. Once again, I had been working hard toward something that really mattered to me—my education. And, all of a sudden, that chapter in my life was over. I had to ask myself, “Who am I now that I am not a songwriter and not a student?” I didn’t know and felt empty and lost, with more questions than answers.

While searching for a way to get more involved in nonprofit organizations (and hopefully a future career in social work or counseling), I was invited to a workshop for musicians through the Minnesota Music Coalition. There, I met Brian Zirngible, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a songwriter and musician, and also a board member with Dissonance. After sharing some self-care tips for songwriters and other artists, Brian facilitated an in-depth group discussion about the “winter blues” that affect so many of us in Minnesota. I talked with Brian after the workshop about my own desire to become a therapist. He said I already talked like one and encouraged me to get involved with Dissonance. So I filled out an interest form on the Dissonance website. In retrospect, I was right where I needed to be yet again.

After learning so much at IGF’s “Self-Care Sundays,” I started leading breathing exercises at the weekly open mic I hosted at the Underground Music Cafe (before it became Eggroll Queen Cafe) in Saint Paul. Doing so helped me realize I wanted to do more work in the community around mental health and wellness. I ended up reaching out to Brianna Lane at The Warming House, an intimate listening room in Minneapolis, to brainstorm ideas for some kind of  small community support group. She has a heart for mental health and wellness, and was very encouraging.

A couple of weeks after we connected, Brianna reached back and asked if I had heard about Dissonance. Yes! I mentioned to Brianna that I wanted to volunteer or get involved in some way but did not know how or in what capacity. As chance would have it, she said two Dissonance board members, Katy Vernon and Jennifer Gilhoi, also wanted to start a small support group. So, she connected the three of us. I was so pumped! This was another important turning point for me. Once more, I was exactly where I needed to be, meeting the right people and getting further introduced to who I am and what am meant to do. I now help facilitate a small once-a-month group, along with Katy and Jen, building community by discussing and sharing tips and strategies for mental health and wellness. We call it Dissonance Story Well, and we meet at The Warming House the first Monday of every month! We’ve been attracting musicians and other artists to the group, but anyone and everyone is welcome. Check our Events page for upcoming dates, and come join us. Who knows — maybe you’ll find it’s exactly the place you needed to be, too.

Karen Folman is a Dissonance Board Member.