By Karen Folman

Just a few months shy of graduating from college, I was sitting at Bread & Chocolate in St. Paul, reading my psychology homework. I noticed a stack of postcards there, promoting an open mic for T. Mychael Rambo, whose name was familiar from my younger years in the St. Paul Central Touring Theater. When I looked up, there was Jan Mandell, my high school acting teacher! I couldn’t believe my eyes! Though I didn’t know it at the time, I was exactly where I needed to be that day.

Jan quickly asked what I had been up to. Rather exasperated and a bit downtrodden, I said I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life (you know, when I grew up). Jan said, “Well, let me tell you what I am doing … .” She proceeded to explain that she had retired and was now the director of a nonprofit organization called the Irreducible Grace Foundation. IGF empowers youth of color with tools for healing, health and wellness and provides safe spaces and workshops to foster voice, trust and community. Jan invited me to one of IGF’s “Self-Care Sunday” workshops, which are open to all, and further explained that IGF teaches through activities which include music, writing, dance and theater exercises. As a longtime artist and performer, I was like, “What!? This is amazing!”

I showed up the very next Sunday, and what I witnessed was even more exciting and inspiring than what Jan had described. I walked into the room and was greeted with smiles, warmth and people who genuinely wanted to get to know me and were glad I was there. Little did I know that this community of people at Self-Care Sundays would teach me so much about belonging, healing and trust. I feel so grateful to be able to return there again and again, continuing to learn, practice and take away helpful tools and resources for living. We share our stories, writing and music; practice breathing exercises; move and dance; learn to understand and trust one another; and heal together from our various traumas, including the historical racial trauma. Finally, I felt like I belonged to a community. Every time I go back, it is a lot like coming home to family. Finding IGF was a turning point in my life, helping me change in countless positive ways. It was exactly where I needed to be.

Let’s rewind a bit. Before I decided to go back to school for my bachelor’s degree, I had started taking myself and my music more seriously, to the point where I felt I could actually introduce myself as a singer-songwriter (and believe it). I began by attending open mic nights and then joining in on showcases and hootenannies. At some point, others started asking me to open shows for them, and eventually I began getting my own gigs, building my own showcases and hosting my own open mic nights. I was feeling really good about this creative aspect of my life. Gigs were starting to come to me! I felt grateful and lucky to love what I was doing. Then, unexpectedly, I hurt my left wrist and could no longer play guitar. Where I once could play up to three-hour gigs myself, I now could only play 1-3 songs before my wrist was in serious pain. Faced with giving up my identity as a singer-songwriter, I decided to go back to college. By pouring all of my time and energy into my education, I hoped to move beyond entry-level jobs and find a career that would provide me with meaning and purpose.

I grew to like my identity as a student. So when graduation came, it was another struggle. Once again, I had been working hard toward something that really mattered to me—my education. And, all of a sudden, that chapter in my life was over. I had to ask myself, “Who am I now that I am not a songwriter and not a student?” I didn’t know and felt empty and lost, with more questions than answers.

While searching for a way to get more involved in nonprofit organizations (and hopefully a future career in social work or counseling), I was invited to a workshop for musicians through the Minnesota Music Coalition. There, I met Brian Zirngible, who is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a songwriter and musician, and also a board member with Dissonance. After sharing some self-care tips for songwriters and other artists, Brian facilitated an in-depth group discussion about the “winter blues” that affect so many of us in Minnesota. I talked with Brian after the workshop about my own desire to become a therapist. He said I already talked like one and encouraged me to get involved with Dissonance. So I filled out an interest form on the Dissonance website. In retrospect, I was right where I needed to be yet again.

After learning so much at IGF’s “Self-Care Sundays,” I started leading breathing exercises at the weekly open mic I hosted at the Underground Music Cafe (before it became Eggroll Queen Cafe) in Saint Paul. Doing so helped me realize I wanted to do more work in the community around mental health and wellness. I ended up reaching out to Brianna Lane at The Warming House, an intimate listening room in Minneapolis, to brainstorm ideas for some kind of small community support group. She has a heart for mental health and wellness, and was very encouraging.

A couple of weeks after we connected, Brianna reached back and asked if I had heard about Dissonance. Yes! I mentioned to Brianna that I wanted to volunteer or get involved in some way but did not know how or in what capacity. As chance would have it, she said two Dissonance board members, Katy Vernon and Jennifer Gilhoi, also wanted to start a small support group. So, she connected the three of us. I was so pumped! This was another important turning point for me. Once more, I was exactly where I needed to be, meeting the right people and getting further introduced to who I am and what am meant to do. I now help facilitate a small once-a-month group, along with Katy and Jen, building community by discussing and sharing tips and strategies for mental health and wellness. We call it Dissonance Story Well, and we meet at The Warming House the first Monday of every month! We’ve been attracting musicians and other artists to the group, but anyone and everyone is welcome. Check our Events page for upcoming dates, and come join us. Who knows — maybe you’ll find it’s exactly the place you needed to be, too.

Karen Folman is a Dissonance Board Member.

By Jen Gilhoi

Dissonance’s third annual Unhappy Holidays event on Dec. 20 seemed to perfectly coincide with the very necessary need to hit the holiday-stress pause button. It came at a time when people were facing lengthy to-do lists and last-minute deadlines before the holiday break. It came at time when anticipation, anxiety and maybe even depressive thoughts were on the rise. It came when a pause was needed.

Dissonance’s alternative holiday gathering once again brought people together without alcohol, other substances or any of the season’s typical expectations. The evening kicked off with “Christmas Wish,” a song created and performed by Katy Vernon, Dissonance board member and ukulele songbird, a singer of sad songs on a happy instrument. The song is about missing loved ones during the holidays and was inspired by Katy’s work with Dissonance and reflections on the first Christmas her 12 year-old self spent without her mom, who had passed. The lilt of the ukulele hinted at happy, with grief and loss woven between, capturing the Dissonance vibe to a T.

Dissonance co-founder Sarah Souder Johnson welcomed everyone and walked through a breathing exercise to bring us into the present. Carl Atiya-Swanson, outgoing Dissonance board member, then took the stage as emcee to start the conversation with panelists about their art, the dissonance they experience in their lives and how they stay well (#howdoyoustaywell).

Comedian Brandi Brown—co-host of the podcast, “Bill Corbett’s Funhouse;” frequent blogger; and much more—covered topics from blackness, therapy and the St. Paul-Minneapolis rivalry to being Minnesotan on the East Coast. With her no-nonsense wit, Brandi shared one of her strategies for managing time, stress and her attention-deficit disorder: “Say no; saying no saves a lot of lives.” She also highly recommended therapy, and not just because it’s “a free workshop for jokes.”

Award-winning writer, community leader and activist Saymoukda Duangphouxay Vongsay grew up in St. Paul as a refugee from Laos. Her story is certainly no joke. But she has a wit of her own, and there is a childlike lightness in her beautifully illustrated book, When Everything Was Everything. The audience listened intently as Saymoukda and her publisher read from the book on stage and shared vivid imagery of everything from bowl haircuts to hand-me-down jeans, worn while working in cucumber fields. The book represents a poetic slice of her life, hinting at the residual optimism she may have inherited from her mother.

Throughout the evening, artists shared their views and experiences with self-care and wellbeing, discussing not-so-easy-to-accept truths about their health and the actionable practices that help them. Musician Chris Tait, founder of Passenger Recovery, a Detroit-based nonprofit that helps touring musicians and travelers find support away from home, shared a story of a Saskatoon gig that shed clear light on the need for support, safe spaces and community while on the road.

Wellbeing for Chris, keyboardist for indie rock vets Electric Six, starts with self-awareness about the nature of his life as an artist and the reality of his life in recovery from addiction. For example, while it’s easy to inwardly focus in a creative songwriting zone, Chris says he’s acutely aware of the need to balance that with plenty of time spent outside of his own headspace, focused on others. Chris shared two songs—Oh Severed Head and Jonathan Turtle—that provided humorous food-for-thought, punctuated by surprising kazoo and whistling solos.

Lydia Liza shared her journey from a 16-year-old prodigy thrust early into an adult career to the 24-year-old woman today that is excelling musically and personally, after giving up alcohol and working on co-dependency issues. With her song I Just Want To Know You More, she sang about being in a relationship or space because you think it’s safe, rather than because it’s fulfilling or benefiting anyone. Heck yeah, she’s in recovery now and living her daily “citizen-life” while being creative. Of the challenges balancing health and work in the music business, she said: if you love your creative being enough, you will find the balance.

Will she find that balance on Twitter? Maybe not. Lydia touched on her 2016 remake of the holiday standard, Baby It’s Cold Outside, with Josiah Lemanski—a recording that went viral, gaining national attention for its message about the importance of consent in relationships. Proceeds from the song all go to The Sexual Violence Center of Minnesota; the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence; and the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, meaning the “trolls” on Twitter who blast the song as political-correctness-run-amok only support her cause by continuing to bring attention to it with their personal attacks. With that in mind,, Lydia said she has had some fun taking on the Twitter trolls but acknowledged that it all wears on her a bit. Brandi used her phone to pull up @lydializamusic on Twitter and handed the phone to Lydia so she could share some of the comments and her responses. Lydia said she enjoys the opportunity to be sassy, put the trolls in their place, and bring more attention to her cause but added that, for her own health and wellbeing, it’s best to put limits on her engagement.

We ended on a high note of acceptance. Group consensus built around the idea that it’s not a lot of fun to take our own advice or to look objectively and honestly at ourselves, but it’s necessary. Restore, compassion, honesty , authenticity—words and themes shared by our artists to close out the evening—wrapped up Unhappy Holidays in a bright red bow for all to take into the final days of the year. Happy Holidays!

Dissonance provides resources and actionable tools to stay healthy over the holidays and always. Shout-out to our amazing partners for the evening! They included our resource providers—MPR’s Art of Counseling (@ArtOfCounseling), Call to Mind (@CallToMindNow), The Emily Program Foundation (@EmilyProgram), the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation (@hazldnbettyford), Lyn-Lake Psychotherapy and Wellness, and Recovree (@recovree)—and our alcohol-free beverage partners, Hobby Farmer Switchel (on Instagram at @hobbyfarmercanning_co) and Hairless Dog (on Instagram at @hairless_dog_brewing).

Jen Gilhoi is a Dissonance board member.