By Jennifer Gilhoi
Four years ago, I let go of sober anonymity, writing in a blog post entitled Let Go Out Loud: “More and more, I see how stepping out of church basements to embrace a more integrated presence and acceptance in society sends a clear invitation to others that it’s OK to seek help sooner than later.”
By sooner than later, I’m not talking about a few trivial months -- I’m talking about years. In my case, it took two decades to deeply understand I had a drinking problem and then accept the only invitation I knew of in 2013: an AA meeting. My understanding of such meetings, from movies and other pop-culture portrayals, was that they required a declaration, “I’m Jen. I’m an alcoholic,” and an immediate flip of the switch to a completely sober existence.
I could not fathom such an abrupt transition and was motivated more by fear of my current path than attraction to a new one. I had no role models, no examples. As far as I aware, no one in my personal circle had successfully moved from active addiction to sobriety; certainly no one had recounted their story and lived experiences to me.
As I prepared for my first AA meeting, I practiced what felt like a shameful admission in the mirror in a soft, sad, tearful voice. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself as a new member of this fellowship should my intro not easily roll off the tongue. But in that first meeting, I was on edge and so raw with emotion that any AA long-timer could intuit my uncomfortable, strung-out state. Since that experience, I’ve heard many other newcomers in Twelve Step rooms exercise the option to bypass the label and simply say, “I’m ___, I’m here to listen.”
THIS. This is what we need more of – invitations to listen, ask questions, form relationships and feel safe and supported. This is what Dissonance is about – working in and through the arts to shatter stigmas around mental health and addiction. The art we celebrate and conversations we host help people struggling begin to find a better way that’s self-directed and empowering, and free of guilt and shame.
While my story is about discovering a life free of alcohol addiction, the Dissonance community is broad, deep and encompassing of the human struggle in every shape and form. I’m so grateful I discovered this community and have had the opportunity to serve on the board since November 2018. It has activated my vision of open, shared experiences that support healthy and sustainable lives.
As our community celebrates five years, including the pandemic years, I couldn’t be prouder of the artists who continue to create and uplift despite all odds, and our close-knit board members who continue to extend invitations. We survived because we leaned into each other. We’re here now—stronger, more resilient and ready to keep moving forward.
I want to extend a public thank you to friend and former Dissonance board member Carl Atiya Swanson (pictured with me here) for several coffees and conversations, the confidence he instilled in me, and the initial invitation he extended in 2017 that led me to show up for a Dissonance sober happy hour at Five Watt coffee shop on Nicollet in Minneapolis. On July 28, 2021, I celebrate seven years of continuous sobriety and a new journey via jengilhoi.com to let go out loud and bring others along for the ride.
Jennifer Gilhoi is a marketing, social media and events consultant, avid yogi, and Dissonance board member.